Helping Children Manage Anger
By Amy Morin, LCSW
Medically reviewed by Aron Janssen, MD
It can be difficult for both parents and children when a child struggles with anger. Some children become frustrated easily and may react strongly to seemingly minor situations. They may yell, have emotional outbursts, or even become aggressive.
When a child’s anger interferes with their relationships or overall quality of life, it is important to help them learn healthy ways to manage their emotions. In some cases, guidance from a mental health professional can also be very helpful.
Teach Your Child About Feelings
Children are more likely to lash out when they don’t understand their emotions or cannot express them verbally.
- A child who cannot say “I’m mad” may show anger through aggressive behavior.
- A child who cannot recognize sadness may misbehave to seek attention.
How to Help:
- Start by teaching basic feeling words such as mad, sad, happy, and scared.
- Label your child’s emotions by saying, “It looks like you feel really angry right now.”
- Over time, help them learn more advanced emotion words such as frustrated, disappointed, worried, and lonely.
As children learn to identify and name their emotions, they gain better control over their reactions.
Create an Anger Thermometer
An anger thermometer helps children recognize when their anger is rising.
How to Make One:
- Draw a large thermometer on paper.
- Number it from 0 to 10:
- 0 = No anger at all
- 5 = Medium anger
- 10 = The most anger ever
When your child is calm, discuss what each level feels like:
- Level 0: Smiling and relaxed
- Level 2: Face feels warm
- Level 5: Angry facial expression
- Level 7: Clenched fists
- Level 10: Feeling out of control
This tool helps children recognize early signs of anger and understand that calming strategies can help cool them down before anger escalates.
Develop a Calm-Down Plan
Teach children what to do when they start feeling angry.
Instead of acting out, encourage them to:
- Go to their room or a designated calming corner
- Color, read a book, or do another relaxing activity
Create a Calm-Down Kit
Include items such as:
- Coloring books and crayons
- A favorite book
- Stickers or a small toy
- A soothing-scented lotion
When your child is upset, say: “Go get your calm-down kit.”
This helps them learn to take responsibility for calming themselves.
Cultivate Anger Management Skills
Teaching specific anger management techniques can be very effective.
Helpful strategies include:
- Taking deep breaths
- Going for a short walk
- Counting to 10
- Repeating a calming phrase
Also focus on teaching:
- Impulse control
- Self-discipline
- Problem-solving skills
These tools help children manage big emotions in healthier ways.
Don’t Give In to Tantrums
Sometimes children learn that tantrums help them get what they want.
For example, if a child throws a tantrum and receives a toy to stop the behavior, they learn that tantrums are effective. While giving in may seem easier in the short term, it often leads to worsening behavior over time.
Instead, focus on building a strong connection so your child feels confident that their needs will be met without negative behavior.
Follow Through With Consequences
Consistent discipline helps children understand that aggression and disrespectful behavior are not acceptable.
- Follow through with consequences every time rules are broken.
- Effective strategies may include:
- Time-outs
- Loss of privileges
If a child breaks something while angry, have them:
- Help repair the item, or
- Do chores to earn money for repairs
Avoid Violent Media
Exposure to violent TV shows, movies, or video games can increase aggressive behavior in some children.
Instead, encourage:
- Books, games, and shows that model healthy conflict resolution
- Content that promotes empathy and emotional regulation
A Word From Verywell
Children don’t enjoy feeling angry or having emotional outbursts. Often, anger is a response to frustration and difficulty managing strong emotions.
Helping children learn healthy ways to respond to anger and other negative feelings can have a positive impact on their relationships, behavior, and overall well-being, both at home and at school.